Jumbled thoughts

I have some many thoughts in my head and no one to talk to about them. My husband refuses to talk to me so I am forced to write about them here.

1. My husband tells me on a daily basis that I am a bad and neglectful mother. If someone tells you the same thing for a long period of time then you begin to believe what is being said about you. I'm beginning to think that he is right. He tells me that I wishes he never would have had Angelina with me and that he should have had her with someone else who is better than me. He also had told me that a regrets having her with me. He's right, I don't deserve her as my daughter and maybe should would be better off with me in her life. Despite what my husband might have said of out anger, I know I'm a good mother to Angelina. I know I deserve to be her mother, I was meant to be her mother. She is the light of my life and I would walk through fire for her. (My husband has since apologized for everything that he said and has admitted that he was wrong and that he should not have said those things).

2.  I don't like how I look. I'm 17 pounds away from weighing 200lbs and I'm fat and ugly. I'm embarrassed to go out in public looking the way that I do. I just don't know what to do. I have since joined Weight Watchers and I know that I will be able to lose the weight.

3. I joined my first bible study.

4. I'm actually enjoying the online class that I am taking this semester at GCU.

These are just some of the jumbled thoughts that have been floating around in my head. 

~Angie