Tuesday, December 11, 2012


My mom was a wonderful mom. She love me and my brother unconditionally and she was always there for us when we just needed to talk her whether it be on the phone or in person. Because my relationship with my dad was strained, my relationship with my mom was strained as well. For the last few years of her life I didn't tell her much, because everything I told her she told my dad. She tried so hard to get us to talk, but it never happened. He had too much influence over her for my mom and I to have a stable mother-daughter relationship.

Today is the fourth anniversary of my mom's death. She passed away December 11, 2008. It is a day that I will remember forever.I remember was in the kitchen washing the supper dishes when there was a knock at the door. Paul answered the knock and it was one of the town's police officers that knew my dad. Apparently my dad sent him to our house to tell me that my mom had passed away earlier that day. I remember standing in the kitchen thinking that I had just talked to her that Tuesday, she sounded so happy and told me that she was feeling great (she had just been in the hospital the week before). I couldn't believe that she was really gone, that I would never be able to see her or talk to her. It hit me pretty hard about an hour later and I cried in my husband's arms that night for a mother that I hardly knew and one that I loved very much. 

I found the next day that she had requested to be cremated as soon as possible. This really upset me because my brother and I were not able to say one last goodbye to her. I like to think that she requested this because she did not me or my brother to see her that way.  When she passed away, she was very sick and in so much pain. She was on dialysis due to kidney problems as a result of her diabetes. She also had a stint put into her heart as a result of her diabetes as well.  

Now she is at peace and is no more pain. I like to think that she up in heaven with her parents and watching over us. I do believe that she was with me the day I gave birth to my daughter.

I will always remember her and I will always love her. She was my mother, she knew me before anyone else did. I love you Mom.


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